Cuban Fissile Crisis

Mark Cuban issued an impersonal digital apology to Nuggets' star Kenyon Martin and Martin's mother after Cuban confronted the lady and insulted her son to her face.

First, Cuban's immaturity in this instance is inexcusable. As a general rule, I appreciate the energy that Cuban brings to Mavericks games and the down-to-Earth attitude that makes him one of the few owners in professional sports who feels more comfortable with the fans in his jeans and T-shirts than in a three-piece suit in a sterile suite.

But in this case Cuban's temper and inability to control himself resulted in behavior that is, to say the least, despicable. Boys learn at a young age not to insult another's mother without accepting the probability that consequences will follow. But it is even more taboo and counter to social standards to actually seek out another man's mother in order to verbally insult her son.

That is, if nothing else, an ass-kickable offense.

And Cuban's apology is insincere and insulting. Right from the beginning, he frames the incident in such a way as to limit his personal culpability, somehow claiming that the size of the audience for his verbal tirade is relevant to the discussion.

It started as a smart ass comment that I know that no one heard. How do I know, because there was a reporter right there next to me, as well as other people who saw the whole thing and didnt hear a word of it.

But at this point, that has become irrelevant. It doesnt matter why I said it. I shouldn’t have said anything. Now, the reality is that this has gotten out of hand.

First of all, Mark: you're worth well over $2 billion. Either take a rudimentary grammar and writing course or hire some jobless English major to convert your babble into prose. But more relevantly, it doesn't matter how many people heard you make a "smart ass comment."

Is a crime lessened by the lack of witnesses? Of course not, and neither is a civic infraction like this. Cuban bears the majority of responsibility for the overly aggressive and out-of-control style that this series has adopted. An owner needs to set a better example for fans, many of whom are hopped up on an unstable mixture of vicarious testosterone and alcohol. I know that he enjoys watching his team and that sometimes his excitement gets the better of him. But here's more proof that he also, at the age of 50, needs to learn more self-control.

Pocket Rocket

Roger Clemens appeared on Mike and Mike this morning to subject the audience to another mind-numbing session of stubborn intransigence as Clemens did nothing more than reiterate his protests of innocence.

The best part of Clemens poorly-conceived defense was when he attempted to explain that the reason he couldn't take steroids is because of a genetic predisposition to heart problems. He gave two examples of close relatives who have died from heart trouble: his brother and his stepfather.

Yes. Apparently in Houston one is doomed to suffer from the genetic defects of relatives by marriage.

Clemens claimed that a P.R. firm that he recently hired instructed him to go out into public and preach his gospel of innocence. If true, do you think they might have gone over his story and attempted to cut out a version that was believable and not predicated on psuedo-science?

I, for one, am heartless and callous enough to still enjoy the fact that Clemens' life is a shambles. He has always been an arrogant prick who was coddled and protected by Major League baseball throughout the latter half of his career when he ballooned like Barry Bonds. But now Clemens is all on his own, and it's obvious that he has been rendered defenseless against scrutiny and criticism.

At least for him the hole that he can crawl back into is a sprawling, palatial mansion. Hope he likes it.

Musings on Game Six

Last night's Game 6 thriller between the Bulls and the Celtics provided us with yet another volume in what has already become one of the greatest NBA playoff series of all-time. Bill Simmons has a
great article about the series over on ESPN.com, and he has no qualms about calling the series the best ever.

This was the second game in a row where the Bulls blew a comfortable lead in the fourth quarter, though this time Brad Miller decided he had to atone for his missed free throws on Tuesday and dragged the Bulls into overtime. I've heard several times the excuse that basketball is a game of runs, that this sort of thing is just a normal part of an intense series.

Basketball is a game of runs. So what? Basketball is also a game of baskets, hard fouls, defense, crisp passing and extemporaneous displays of imagination and athleticism that can leave even the most jaded viewer mouth agape. Good teams do not blow ten-point fourth quarter leads when their playoff life is on the line.

That's not a run. That's a comeback. There's a big difference.

And Rajon Rondo has apparently decided to end all pretense of playing with class and respect and has attempted to turn the hardwood floor into a broken-glass-littered asphalt surface. The foul against Miller in Game 5 was a flagrant foul. It was a dirty play and a cheap shot, and the attempt to classify it as some kind of hustle play is ludicrous and insulting. The trip against Heinrich in the same game was blatant and bush league. Rondo intentionally stuck his knee into Heinrich's leg when he realized he was beat.

And then his discus hurl of Heinrich into the scorer's table last night was amazing in its self-absorbed immaturity at such a critical time. How the hell did Boston make it through so many tough series last spring with this uncontrolled psycho handling the ball? Is he frustrated because it's become obvious that, despite a superior supporting cast and professional experience, it's become obvious that Derek Rose is a far more talented player? Is he mad because a team like the Bulls was not supposed to present such a challenge for the World Champions?

Look, I don't think he should be suspended, if for no other reason then it's Game 7 and the last thing Celtics fans and players need is another excuse. When they lose tomorrow night, on their home court, I want them to walk out of the building for the last time this season, heads hung in humiliation and shame, knowing that they were defeated by an upstart team with almost no playoff experience.

Until now, at least.

The Shit Talker Needs a Walker

Kevin Garnett has used the occasion of the postseason as a means of proving that he is the most overrated and underclassed player in the NBA. Garnett, unable to play due to a knee injury, has instead become a spectator, and a vociferous and annoying one at that.

Garnett has spent the games in a suit on the Celtics bench, jawing and cursing and attempting to intimidate Bulls players that are physically able to participate. It's not just ridiculous, it's utterly classless. It is, after all, amazingly easy to talk shit when you're not the one that has to back it up or accept responsibility for a loss. Garnett has managed to sneak his way onto a championship team, and now apparently believes that his career futility until he met Paul Pierce is no longer relevant.

Over the years the national sports media has developed a strange crush on Garnett, characterizing his borderline personality as an example of ultimate intensity. He is intense, to be sure, but he's also out of his fucking mind. Would somebody please remind him that he languished in Minnesota for years, consistently unable to carry his team to any level of success, save the season where Sam Cassell and Latrell Spreewell helped him reach the conference finals for the first time in his career.

This isn't about his inability to turn a shitty team into a championship team, as nobody really expected a championship out of most of those Timberwolves teams. But Garnett was stunningly unable to even make his team relevant. They were consistently among the worst teams in the league, but this fact apparently was lost on the media who chose to focus on his meaningless yells, whoops and gesticulations.

So, Kevin - shut the fuck up. Your career without Paul Pierce was a failure, regardless of the personal statistics you managed to collect. Wait until next season when you can lace those shoes up again, because then someone can justifiably undercut you and shut you up for good.

Knock 'Em Down

And speaking of hard fouls... Where the hell were Chris Paul's teammates on Tuesday as he was getting knocked to the ground at will by the Denver Nuggets?

You cannot stand around and watch as your opponent beats the shit out of your franchise player. Anthony or Billups needs to hit the deck tonight if the Hornets have any hope of winning and advancing.

A Flagrant Commentary

Below is a thirty second spot of Tim Legler bending reality and logic in order to defend Rajon Rondo's obviously flagrant foul of Brad Miller at the end of last night's Game 5 between the Celtics and the Bulls.

Legler first informs us that "he made a great effort to recover into the lane just to try to get a foul on Brad Miller." Tim, Rondo's effort has no relevance whatsoever to the question of a flagrant foul. A player can be hustling to stop a fast-break layup, but if he intentionally sticks out a foot to trip the opposing player, his effort doesn't somehow mitigate the fact of his foul.

Next, we are told that "Rondo made a legitimate attempt on the basketball, but Brad Miller being a 7-footer had that ball extended above his head so high that Rondo missed and ended up hitting him on the side of the head." First of all, Miller had the ball extended out towards the basket, not above his head. Secondly, the height disparity between Rondo and Miller is another irrelevant observation. A shorter player is not excused for slapping a taller player in the head simply because he cannot reach the ball. Thirdly, the reason that Rondo couldn't reach the ball is because he was out of position, leaving Miller's head the nearest and easiest target for Rondo flailing hand.

"Players get hit in the head a lot on drives to the basket, particularly in late-game situations." Bullshit. At least produce one example of another player being clotheslined on a drive to the basket and the referees deciding not to call a flagrant due to the position of the clock. I'm all for hard fouls and protecting the lane, but there has to be a reasonable line at which a hard foul becomes a flagrant foul. No player should get an uncontested layup in the playoffs, particularly at then tail end of an overtime game. But that is far different from adopting an "anything goes" philosophy based on the clock.

Really, Legler's biggest contribution to the game was leaving and taking his chin with him. I understand that former athletes are not always the most coherent bunch of analysts, but I don't think it's too much to ask for a little bit of reason to be inserted into an argument. Legler did not make one salient point or astute observation during his segment, and here is the jumbled mess that ESPN offered to basketball fans:

You No Big Papi

I know this commercial is a bit old, but ESPN recently started airing it again. But here's the troubling question I'm left with: if the New Era Red Sox cap is so authentic that one can be mistaken for David Ortiz, does the Yankee cap give you Derek Jeter's herpes?